GameFreakimage didn’t use much, but at least he used some of the dialogue I wrote.
He made some edits AFTER his other beta-reader and I made ours, so there were a number of spelling of grammatical errors scattered throughout the chapter.
If you have kept up with his story, you will find that it has become rather predictable. By this point, I understand I can’t do anything to change that, but I figured I could at least tell it better and introduce a few concepts people wouldn’t have predicted. GameFreakimage used none of my edits to the story.
One of the main problems I have found was how he neutered Ephidel’s character. As soon as his OC, Michael, gained the upper hand, the morph began experiencing fear, something he was designed to be immune to. In my version, he only became emotional at the end, when his life was spent. For that I took inspiration from Limstella’s death quote in the penultimate chapter of FE7.
Now, all of that was really a dream Michael had. In the original, he had miraculously been granted great power and used that to overwhelm Ephidel, but in the end was incapacitated by Jaffar. In my version, Ephidel subjected him to intense trauma that drove him mad; Michael then proceeded to use an item he had kept for emergencies which depleted him of what little sanity he had left. He then consumed Ephidel and destroyed the world. Of course, that was just a vision Ephidel gave him. In reality, he was lying unconscious at the Dragon’s Gate before the morph, his master and Jaffar. That didn’t matter to Michael, though, as his insanity in the vision carried over to reality and when he woke he would likely attack his former friends, distracting them while Nergal used Ninian to open the gate. Everyone who has played FE7 knows that this would not work… at least not entirely. Michael would regain his sanity only after heavily wounding Lyndis, at which point he would be traumatized so heavily he would never fight again.
When GameFreakimage told me he wanted Michael to stay out of future fights because of a PHYSICAL wound rather than a mental one, I rewrote the ending so Nergal, in fear of Michael killing Ninian, would order Jaffar to puncture the OC’s lower spine, permanently paralyzing him. Still, the writer went with his own version, which I personally find to be rather… mundane.
Also, most of the dialogue I wrote (very little of which he included) was very poetic in nature, and I felt it would very much suit the tone of the chapter. Specifically, Michael would go on about Ephidel being a puppet, taunting him with dialogue like “The curtain is falling on the final performance; the puppeteer no longer has need for his creation, so it is time for its disposal.”
The scenes I wrote were also a little more… violent. Rather than having Lyn block the first barrage of luna orbs Ephidel launched at Michael, the OC would be cut in half by the orbs, and Lyn didn’t arrive until Ephidel was about to deliver the finishing blow. In order to get Michael to kill the Sacaen, Ephidel gave the OC a pair of magically-created limbs to replace the legs he had lost.
That covers pretty much everything important. See you next time!